


Those Closest-Knit

by Saturdaythe14th



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adoptive Parents - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, American Football, Crossdressing, Death Threats, Gun Violence, Kidnapping, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Teen Romance, school shooting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:26:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturdaythe14th/pseuds/Saturdaythe14th
Summary: On that desolate day, three young children lost their families in worse ways than they could ever imagine. Orphaned and bonded by their traumatic experience, the three friends go through high school never letting their backs turned. Anyone could be connected to the organization that took their families lives, even their own classmates. Trained like soldiers by their adoptive parents, these kids are ready for anything. There's only two rules:Never make a new friend.Always carry your gun.





	1. Burden

**Author's Note:**

> My first SnK fic! Okay so I'm a huge fan of Armin. He's the biggest cutie and I relate to him a lot. Most of the ships tagged are minor. I don't know what kind of feedback I'm gonna get from this but I'm pretty proud of this first chapter at least.
> 
> More is to come very soon!
> 
> Snk tumblr: @papershoe

"Hey, brats! You're gonna be late! Get your asses down here!"

Eren scrambled out of bed at this bright and early time of 7:30 am, immediately throwing off his bed clothes and throwing on a some casual neutral colored t-shirt and sweatpants. Typical Eren. I watched him in the mirror as I dried my hair. Today was a big day. I wonder what I should wear? What should I do with my hair? I tied it up in a loose bun, leaving all of my bangs as they were. Still in just a towel from getting out of the shower, I turned to him.

"Eren, does my hair look alright like this?"

"Sure, Armin, it looks fine. What's it matter anyway? You don't normally care about that stuff," he spewed without giving me a glance. He pulled his handgun and holster out from the bedside drawer and began to attach it to his pants.

"Well it's the first day of school. You know that Hange is going to take pictures of us this morning."

"Yeah, and I don't get it! Why are we still getting pictures of us in our book bags at the bus stop at sixteen? We're not little kids anymore!"

All of my pants were basically the same. All of them were a hybrid between jeans and sweats that cut off at the ankle. Today felt like a beige kind of day. A dark purple tee with a pocket would do nicely with this. I turned to the mirror to confirm that my outfit didn't clash too much. Even I was surprised how comfortable we were with each other sometimes. I trusted him with anything. Well, most things. His face was still scrunched up in annoyance in the reflection.

"Actually, Mikasa's driving all of us today. She agreed to do it until I'm less nervous about it and because _someone_ can't seem to get his license," I teased him.

"It's not my fault! People drive too slow! What am I supposed to do?"

I nearly spit out my retainer as I was putting it in. "Um, maybe drive the speed limit?"

"Twenty miles per hour over isn't _that_ much..."

"I'm going to have to agree with Armin. You suck at driving," Mikasa offered, leaning casually in the doorway. It scared me a little that I hadn't even noticed her open the door. She pulled out her pistol from under her arm, and twirled it around her finger with the trigger. If the safety hadn't been on, she may have shot me in the foot. "Do I really need to carry this around still? I can defend myself just fine without it."

"Oh course you need it!" Eren spat as he yelled, "Do you want to die? What's rule number two?"

Mikasa sighed, "Always carry your gun... but seriously Eren, how long has it been? Five years? Five years and nothing. Don't you think we should dial it down on the paranoia? Just a little?"

**"If you kids don't get down here right now, Eren is getting _double_ cleaning duties tonight!"**

They rushed downstairs. I still had to get my gun. How does this holster work again?

First, clip to the inside of the pants. Second... put gun in holster. And...slide the holster down inside. There. 

And finally I was downstairs. Levi was tapping his wristwatch impatiently.

"Hey kids! You don't have much time, so eat quickly," Erwin beckoned us. He wore his famous baby blue 'Daddy Erwin' apron, swinging a dirty spatula in his hand. It smelled like perfectly golden toast. The eggs were sunny side up, yolks glowing a healthy yellow. "Mikasa's are a little more lightly cooked, as requested," Erwin chuckled. That was another way of saying they were a couple seconds away from being completely raw. She liked them better that way.

As per usual, I was the only one to not finish all of it.

Hange fumbled down the stairs with her cellphone. Her smile was big and bright even as she struggled to open with iPhone camera for the hundredth time.

"Oh!" She cooed, "You kids are all ready for your first day! You look adorable!"

"Bye Dad," Eren called as he waved at Levi.

"Quit calling me that, you little freak."

Outside, Hange directed us in doing a few different poses for her pictures, and then we were gone.

Eren also complained about classes all of the entire twenty minute drive from the back, practically hanging over my shoulder. It was annoying in more ways than one, to say the least. It's not like I loved him any less for it.

Homerooms being alphabetical by last name, Mikasa and I had to abandon him to find our class. People chattered through the morning announcements, and continued to chatter as we were handed our schedules. I tapped a rhythmic pattern on my desk with my fingernails. I always got the classes I requested, but it was still always nerve-racking. 

I scanned the sheet. 

AP, Honors, Advanced Elective, Honors, AP... all classes I requested... _Oh no, there it is. Gym for last period._

There's the locker room where you have to get half naked in front of your peers, and then there's all that running around and team sports that require physical strength. I shivered. What a nightmare.

"What's your schedule like, Mikasa?" I asked. She typed away on her phone, tapping her foot in the desk next to me. "Who are you texting?"

She pocketed her phone. 

"Eren and I have most of the same classes again."

"Oh, that's good," I coughed, hiding the hurt from my voice. Just like last year. I should still have German with Eren this year. I crossed my toes in my shoes.

I go through an average school day spending most of my time by myself. I don't see Mikasa or Eren a lot during the day because of my advanced courses. And no, I can't just make a new friend. It's part of our agreement. Rule number one: Never make a new friend.

I hated assignments where we had to partner or group up. I would usually take the whole workload so that I didn't have to talk to any of them. I can't risk getting to know them at all.

Through the crowded halls I tried not to notice the holster in my pants bumping my leg as I walked. If anyone at school ever found out what we did every single day, it would be the end of us. I distracted myself with reading the posters that littered the walls. Every one of them was either demanding we apply to this college and that, or pleading with us not to end our own lives.

I was lucky enough to have German pretty early in the day. I placed my books near the front and waited for Eren. Sure enough, Mikasa shoved him in a few seconds before the late bell.

"Hi Eren!"

"I can't believe you got me to take another Honors German class. I hardly passed last year! You even helped me!"

"I'll just help you again this year! You should be fine. If I can do it so can you," I assured.

"That's not true and you know it." Deep down I knew it was true, but something in me believed anyone was capable of anything with enough effort and enough help from others.

The last bell rang to start the class and _unser Lehrer_ began to speak. I wrote thorough notes of every word said, the grinding of Eren's teeth being only a minor distraction as paper balls were tossed at the back of his head. I turned to check if it was the same guy as last year, and the year before...

And yep. Jean was his name. The guy with the strange undercut. He always sat with his smiling freckled friend. No one really seemed to know each other well in these language classes. You think from having two years of a class with a guy I'd know more than just his name and the fact that he likes to throw stuff at Eren until he snaps and they both get detention.

Eren growled under his breath. "God, I wish Mikasa was in this class. Then we'd outnumber him. Bet he wouldn't dare throw shit at me with her here. She'd have his ass on a platter. But she _had_ to take Spanish..."

"It's too late for her to switch now. She'd be starting back at German one," I answered, not pausing from my notes.

"I know," he grumbled.

 _"Jeager!"_ the teacher warned with a yell.

Eren pouted. A giggle came from the back of the room that made him pout harder.

The rivalry between Jean and Eren was an interesting one, for sure. Eren made his whispers lower and sharper, as to not catch the attention of the teacher.

"I was thinking about trying for the football team."

I threw my eyebrows up. The football team? Eren had never been interested in any extracurricular activities before...

"Jean was bragging about how he was gonna try out for it in homeroom. He thinks he's so cool..."

Another paper ball hit him in the head. His eye twitched. I put a calming hand on his shoulder and picked up the ball.

 _Who's your girlfriend, Jeager? Why hasn't anyone seen you two kiss yet?_ was written in sloppy handwriting. Not to say it was any better than Eren's, because it certainly wasn't. I tore the paper in half and place it in my pocket. I'd throw it away later.

Every class went similarly. Every trip through the halls was the same. Piles of work. I added to the list of homework on my wrist in permanent marker. Bolting to my next class across the school as to not be late. It was a stiff run to look more like a jog, the mountain of books weighing me down all the way to each class. Never making eye contact. Never saying a word. I felt the blisters starting to form on my feet already.

•

At lunch the three of us sat at a round table all alone, in the corner under the one light that flickered. We sat here every year. It was like a second home.

The food served by the school was mediocre. Eren scarfed it down anyway, picking off of my own tray when he was finished. 

"You know Sasha and Connie were snorting Smarties in math? They almost got me to do it too. They got caught and sent to the principal's office but got off on a warning because it was just candy. I was glad I didn't try it. I mean, I would've wanted to, but Dad would kick my ass if I got sent to the office on the first day..." 

"Eren said he wants to join the football team," I interjected.

"If Eren's joining then so am I."

"Mikasa! You don't have to do that!"

"I do. In fact I think the three of us should. If we're together, there's less of a risk that we'll make any friends," she affirmed, seemingly already decided on the matter. 

It took me aback a little. Me? Join the football team?

"Mikasa, I don't think I can. I have a lot of workload already and I don't think I could make the football team if I tried..."

"That's crazy talk Armin," Eren raised his voice again. "If you can tell me that I can pass Honors German three, then you can make the football team!"

I turned my head to look at a few tables over. So Jean was the reason for this, huh? Wait, why was he looking this way? Eren seemed to notice to. He linked his arms around Mikasa and I's shoulders and stuck his tongue out. Jean turned back to his freckled friend, looking rather miffed.

"Eren why did you do that?" I asked.

He took his arms away, hesitantly. His eyes were squinted, to show off his suspicion. "I don't trust that guy."

•

I bent over to reach into the dryer for another article of clothing-- Eren's underwear. I folded it and put it in his pile. It was my turn to do the laundry. Eren never did the laundry because he couldn't handle the bra and panties part of the job. He instead was dusting the shelves and countertops while Mikasa helped Erwin with the dishes.

A warm blush came over my cheeks. This was home. Hange had given us all welcoming hugs when we arrived back. Erwin had prepared us a delicious homemade meal that came from the heart. Levi barked orders at us to get to cleaning. I pulled Mikasa's crimson red scarf from the dryer. Gone was the smell of loving obsession and in with rose petal fabric softener. Eren grunted as he scrubbed down a tough spot with a wet towel somewhere behind me.

"We're gonna try out for the football team, Armin. I'm tired of doing nothing and being afraid to try new things. Wherever those people are now, they won't stop us from living the high school life. I won't let them!"

I let him rant on. There wasn't even a sign that that organization was even after us anymore. It would be ignorant to not notice that Mikasa was having doubts. Eren truly believed they were waiting to get close to us to strike. At this point... I didn't know what to think.

Levi's healed boots clicked as he entered.

"Eren! Toilet scrubbing, now! You didn't clean them _nearly_ well enough yesterday!"

"Yes, Dad."

Levi smacked him across the back of the head before grabbing ahold of my wrist. I gasped in surprise, almost dropping the shirt I was holding. His eyes scanned the writing.

"God damn, kid. You're overworking yourself. Get out of here and get your school work done."

"But what about the laund--"

"I'll take care of it. Go."

•

I sat at the desk in Eren and I's shared room under the dim lamplight. I had to rub my eyes as I finished the last few problems. Mentally exhausted, I was able to fall asleep in bed relatively quickly. Eren was already snoring away in the top bunk.

It hadn't even felt like long when a thump woke me in the dead of night.

_"Ow..."_

Eren must've hit his head on the ceiling again. It made me even more thankful for my bottom bunk.

"Eren?"

"Yeah?"

"Was it... the dream again?"

"Yeah..."

"Do you want to come down here?"

The bedside ladder creaked. Only when I switched the lamp on could I see the tears in his eyes.

He cuddled up next to me.

"Shhh... don't cry Eren, please..."

•

We remember it so vividly, as if it were only yesterday.

Our families were close. We all lived in the same area. Much of the land was wide open fields. You could drive for miles and miles only come across a handful of houses.

I never knew my parents. I had my grandpa, and loved him very much. Mikasa and Eren's parents were as much mine as they were theirs, it felt like.

We had frequent play dates and such. I remember all the way back when we were all having pretend tea parties and playing dress up.

By the time we were ten, we usually talked about getting away from the rural scene. We wanted to see the world-- the big cities, sandy beaches, the rippling oceans...

It was a normal couple of days like that, in the warm, beautiful summertime. My grandpa took me over to Mikasa's house. Everyone was there, except for Eren's father. The adults muttered secretively about him running off for good.

Over the next two days, we played like nothing was wrong, until I saw my grandpa up on the roof. The three of us waved up at him, smiling.

I saw my grandpa's body splatter in front of me.

We all have a variation of the memory of Mrs. Jeager yelling at the three of us to run and hide inside. I was the only one to listen. The rest of my nightmare was only a sense of sound. I surrounded myself in a fortress of blankets under Mikasa's bed.

From what I'm told by the two of them, three strange men entered the house, wielding handguns. Eren's mother screamed at the two of them still. **"RUN! HIDE! RUN, PLEASE!"**

Gunshots rang in my ears. I heard Eren's raging screams.

I'll never know how two eleven year olds subdued three men with guns, but they did it. They both tell me it was luck.

When it was all said and done, the two of them dragged me out from under the bed. We found three different letters all with the same words:

_Dear Jeager family,_

_Your loan from our organization has not been paid by its contracted date. We are well aware that your family does not have near the total to pay us back._

_You should expect our men to arrive within the next couple of days. We do not discriminate. All members of the family will pay their dues with their lives. We ask for your cooperation._

_Thank you._

By the time that the heaviest parts of the grieving process had passed, we had been adopted by a strange yet caring trio. We got used to having a family again. Those letters told us that they would certainly come after us. We made two basic rules that we must follow, no matter what.

Rule number one: Never make a new friend.

Anyone outside our adoptive parents could be a part of that secret organization. Police couldn't track anything. We had to take matters into our own hands. 

And that leads us to rule number two: Always carry your gun. 

For five years we'd been carrying these concealed weapons. For five years we got used to being outcasts, talking to no one but each other. I still had those letters tucked away, to remember.

These rules had been such a burden on our lives. I don't want to have to brush people off anymore. It doesn't feel like freedom.

I don't imagine that I could be the protagonist of this story. That would have to be Eren. Eren lives his life like a soap opera. Everything revolves around him.

So he can continue to pursue this story that we are some kind of prey of what we don't understand. 

For the first time in his life, Armin Arlert is going to... _consider_ breaking the rules.


	2. Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being that I'm currently on vacation, I had some extra time to write. Hopefully I can get some more chapters out soon!

My eyebrows often pointed up, my mouth curled into a polite smile. It was my defense mechanism, as to say 'I'm sorry for anything I did that may have offended you. I'm merely trying to keep up my reputation.' Only recently have I began to analyze my own behaviors like this. It seems that those who have the highest expectations placed upon them are the most apologetic if they are not the type that beams with confidence. I can say with utmost certainty that I am not part of that type.

So it was this face that I wore when we stood waiting for the football coach. There were eight of us, including Eren, Mikasa and I, all standing in a line on the new football field, all shaking in our boots from either being giddy with excitement or awaiting our worst nightmare. I may have been the only one experiencing the second though, assumably. 

My signature look made me an easy target it seemed, as the first thing Coach Shadis did when he walk outside was plant himself in front of me, barking an order that was for me to give my name.

"Armin Arlert, sir!" I cringed at the crack in my own voice.

"Who on Earth would curse you with such a pitiful name?"

"That would be my grandfather, sir!" A tear formed in the corner of my eye. I couldn't tell if it was caused by an excess amount of yelling that I wasn't used to or the fact that I had mentioned my only blood relative that I ever knew, and even him I hadn't seen since that day five years ago. He would've never guessed that I'd end up here.

"And why would a puny thing like you want to join my team?" Shadis leaned in to say in my face, as if to mock me.

I had prepared my answer for this. Not because I knew the question was coming, but to justify to myself why I was here. It was an accuse really, so I didn't have to admit to myself that Eren had dragged me here by my wrists, which couldn't possibly be closer to the truth. 

"I wish to make those I care about proud," I said.

His look softened ever so slightly, and he turned to find his next victim in line. He walked right past Eren and Mikasa. Their serious and disciplined expression and postures were that of a soldiers, which would be a sight worthy of the approval of a former military man like Keith Shadis. The look of cowardice I gave was in obvious need of change, as well as apparently, Jean's cocky grin.

"What's that look for, son?" I saw a fleck of saliva fly out of his mouth. "Do you think this is some kind of joke?"

"No, sir. I'm going to take this as seriously as possible, become the star of the team and earn some major popularity points," Jean claimed with such arrogance that earned him one of Shadis' cleated shoes to the tips of his toes. Jean yelped and fell to the ground to cradle his hurting foot.

"This is not a popularity contest! This is winning, or becoming a disgrace to your school!"

Jean's friend stood straight and stiff. He smiled still, even with his eyes full of fear. I was sure at this point that Shadis could smell the terror on half of us. He made his military background clear in his tone, in his expression, and in intimidation. This was Shadis' next victim, and again he ordered the boy to give his name. 

"Marco Bodt, sir! It's such an honor to get the opportunity to play for your team!"

I let my mind escape to gather my thoughts while more yelling and introductions played out.

How could I possibly survive being on this team? I'm certainly not built for this kind of thing. I don't even know anything about football. Like how many players are needed on the field? What do the different positions do? What _are_ the different positions? This had to be Eren's worst idea yet.

_"That is not a proper salute, Springer! Is your heart on your right side?"_

I let out an inaudible sigh.

It was surprisingly chilly for being so early in the school year. I couldn't yet see my breath, but the hairs on my exposed ankles stood up. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up too when the screaming of fellow students and Coach Shadis was replaced with and eerie silence. Everyone's heads turned to a girl with a high ponytail, who was contently munching on what looked like a steamed potato.

"Who are you?" Shadis spoke. His deep, monotonous voice was scarier than his military one.

"Sasha Braus, sir!"

"Why are you eating that?"

"I was hungry, sir, and it was getting cold, so I elected to eat it now."

"No, _why_ are you eating it?"

"Are you asking why people eat potatoes? I think you should know sir..." she laughed nervously.

The kids in line gasped. That didn't look good.

•

The anxious vibes died down and Sasha was doing laps around the track. Four students, all geared up in football uniforms, helmets in hand, jogged out from the gym, likely coming from the locker rooms.

 _ **"Krista!"**_ a taller girl called out, picking up speed. She engulfed a small blood girl who stood with us in an aggressive hug.

Coach Shadis raised an arm, gesturing to the four students in uniform. "These are my senior players, Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, Annie Leonhart, and Ymir--"

"I can't believe you're actually gonna play football with me, Krista! If we survive this first game you're totally gonna have to marry me--"

 _"Quiet!"_ Shadis coughed to clear is throat. "These four will be showing you the ropes in the skills they specialize in. And yes, this is the team. It will be the twelve of you. Normally, we would've had a test that half of you wouldn't pass, but since almost all of my players graduated last year, we need a fresh batch..."

He went on to tell us that last year we had a great season, and looking at us now, he was ready for disappointment. Especially considering there were only twelve of us, which was barely enough players for a game. When he dismissed himself and let the seniors take charge, I was traumatized enough to be ready to go home and hide under my covers, but Eren and Mikasa insisted that we stayed. 

•

Every day we had practice with  
one or more of the four seniors. Ymir, the girl who seemed to have some sort of obsession with our class president, was training us in basic running.

"The only way to get good at running is to run! So, _move!_ " She shot a flare gun into the air to mark our start. My heart jumped into my throat. _Why did the school even have those?_

I watched as everyone sprinted ahead of me. It had been awhile since I'd done a lot of running, so I figured it would be better to pace myself. I focused on my breathing, keeping each inhale and exhale steady and even.

Ymir laughed as she lapped me around the track a second time. Coach Shadis scribbled something on his clipboard where he stood, out of the way. I could feel his eyes bore into me every step of the way, and that includes during our other training sessions.

Reiner's training was catching and throwing the oblong ball, and achieving that perfect spiral. When he demonstrated, I paid close attention to his form, and even exactly where his arm muscles tensed as he threw it.

"Come on, Armin! You can get it to me. Just a little harder this time," Eren called.

Using all of my strength, and following Reiner's demonstrated form, I managed to get the ball halfway between us. I sighed at myself. Eren picked up the ball on his stroll over to me. He placed a hand on my shoulder, and made a subtle gesture for me to raise my hanging head.

"I get that this isn't your thing, Armin, but that doesn't mean you should quit. We've gotta do something or the football team's just gonna dissolve! This school is already shitty enough..."

"No, no. Don't worry. I'm not giving up. Not yet at least..." 

"Is there a problem, fellas?" Reiner jogged up to us, wearing a friendly face. Reiner was the total big brother type. I don't know of a kind of person who wouldn't be fond of him.

"Armin's just having trouble throwing the ball far enough."

"Ah," he said, patting me on the back with a heavy hand that pushed me forward a little. "Don't worry about that. In football, you could have a position where you'll never have to make a long pass in a whole season. You specialize. Let's see... you can't run, and you can't throw... maybe you can catch."

Reiner backed up until the numbers '02' were hardly visible on his jersey. I squinted my eyes, attempting to focus on the ball spiraling toward me at incredible speed. It hit me in the chest like a cannon ball, knocking me to the ground.

•

School became more social for us after joining. People would still look at me strangely during classes because I would only talk to teachers and only specifically about schoolwork in most of my classes, but the other kids on the team would stop us in the hallway to say hello, or, like Reiner, in the cafeteria. Soon Reiner began to insist that we all sit together, as a team.

We exchanged pleasantries, chuckled at his brash comments, and discussed future practices. Reiner's carton of nonfat milk sloshed in his hand as he spoke.

It felt good not to sit under the flickering light in the corner. We were a part of a group for the first time. There wasn't much change in Mikasa's expression, but I could sense that she was enjoying herself as well. It's not like things changed much. The three of us sat at the end of that rowdy table and mostly kept to ourselves. Eren still looked up from his tray of barely edible food to peer around suspiciously, stuck on the idea that we were still being watched...still being followed...still being hunted.

"I'm gonna be the one who gets that number one jersey, Jeager. Only the best of the best gets to be number one," Jean sneered, catching the attention of most of the table.

That's right. I'd been so focused on simply surviving the training practices, I'd forgotten that the person who got the best evaluation from Coach Shadis would get the jersey number '01'. I wouldn't be able to achieve that in my dreams.

Marco made a face similar to my signature one. The one that was prematurely apologetic, assumably for whatever Jean's actions would cause next. Marco reminded me of myself. Nothing but the simple, humble sidekick of the fool who thought everything revolved around himself.

"Wow, Jean, I pegged you to at least be smart enough to know you wouldn't be able to get that jersey even in your dreams," Eren bit back. I looked up in surprise that one, Eren had come up with a witty comeback, and two, that he had basically read my mind. This concern was quickly forgotten when Reiner's laughing caused him to snot rocket his beverage on my head. I cried out in disgust, failing to complain or even ask why he was standing behind me in the first place.

While I was in the restroom squeezing snot and milk out of my hair with the other sidekick (bless him), our two heroes were throwing fists back at the lunch table, being sent to the principal's office, given five days of in-school suspension, and for Eren, it would be two extra hours of cleaning everyday for at least a month, under Levi's close watch.

Marco gave me a concerned look in the reflection of the mirror as he handed me a stack of brown paper towels. Try as I may, I would still being going to class looking like I just stepped out in the rain, and there wasn't a single cloud looming over Trost High.

"I'm sorry about... all that," he mumbled.

I accidentally triggered the motion sensors of the sink, drenching half of the paper towels. Attempting to scoop them out, they ended up on the tiled flooring with a wet _smack_ that echoed off the walls.

"What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything."

"I'm sorry... about Jean. What he..." he paused to think. "He does a lot of things that I wouldn't consider _nice_ , but that doesn't make him a bad person! He's really a great guy."

"I didn't ask," I spoke slyly, my hair still dripping. "But if you're allowed to be sorry, then I can be sorry too."

He nodded. We exchanged polite smiles. I like him.

Perhaps Marco could be the first friend I make outside of Eren and Mikasa.

•

More vigorous practices. Annie showed us how to properly punt, which she did with such grace that couldn't be bested. We took turns trying to make the field goal, but most did mediocre. For myself, the ball hardly got anywhere. Pathetic. It's as if I could hear Annie saying it. I could definitely see it in her eyes, though that was the same look she seemed to give everyone.

Bertholdt and Annie had a combined tackle practice. We were divided in two. Bertholdt took the larger players, and Annie would show the smaller ones. Well, it was supposed to be like this, but Reiner and Ymir showed up anyway. They were nice people, so no one seemed to mind. Ymir whooped and cheered for Krista from the bleachers. Reiner took it upon himself to help Bertholdt with his group, seeing that he had already sweat through his uniform and practice hadn't started yet.

Connie chuckled nervously next to me. Sasha had a finger in her ear. Krista stared at her feet. Quite the gaggle we were. A small, unimpressive gaggle.

"Alright," Annie started, "Who thinks they can take me?"

We looked around as each other. My eyes were as wide as I could open them. Sasha  
languidly raised a hand.

Annie squared up with her. She made a beckoning gesture. Before Sasha even made a move, she was on her back, with Annie on top of her. Annie stood, brushing some stray grass off of her shorts. Sasha groaned through siting up, and didn't bother trying to stand.

"Any of you pick anything up from that?"

I picked up my arm painfully slow and timidly. Annie gave a nod to my direction.

"Um... well I noticed that you made a dive for the area around her hips, which happens to typically be the human center of balance, at least while we are in the anatomical position."

"That's right," she said, "but that's not the only way to do it. We're smaller, right? We need to utilize balance to knock fuckers off their feet..." she paused, letting it sink in. "Connie, start running."

Connie's eyes lit up in surprise at the address. He started up at a slow jog, and with a snap of Annie's fingers, he was scared into a full sprint down the field.

Like a wild beast, Annie chased him down. When she got close enough, she reared to pounce. She grabbed ahold of his legs. He got a mouthful of grass right in front of the other group. Jean and Eren both laughed at his expense, and then scowled at each other.

And just like that, the big and the small intertwined into a free for all. Us rookies didn't even have any padding or gear on. We could get seriously injured. _I_ could get seriously injured. Eren took Jean to the ground. Mikasa and Annie were having some sort of standoff. So many were running here and there I couldn't keep up with it.

Most were smiling. It seemed to be all in good fun, but when I saw Reiner running at me, who has to be 6' foot compared to my 5'4". A towering giant. Every man and woman and all those in between for themselves. Logic and reason went out the window. I allowed instinct to take control, something that I avoid doing, if I can.

When he closed in on me, and I appeared to be bracing myself for impact. I swung an arm up, struck him in the neck, and ducked to the ground, so that he was falling over my shoulder. 

Everyone stood in shock. Even Coach Shadis threw up his eyebrows. Eren and Mikasa looked away, either as if they hadn't seen it happen, or pretended to know that that would be the result. But who would know that Armin could find a way to flip Reiner over his shoulder? Certainly not Reiner. He looked up at me from where he sat, coughed a few times, rubbing his Adam's apple, with a smudge of dirt on his cheek. 

He laughed a hearty laugh. "Where in the hell'd you learned to do that?" He asked, in that sort of rhetorical, friendly manner.

My mind was flashing memories of Levi, Hange, and Erwin's extensive self-defense training. Never having the strength to take anyone down, I did some research on the most sensitive areas of the body and some martial arts theories. The throat, the temples, the knees... Even after all that I hadn't managed to get even Eren on the ground. It had some pay off after all.

"I just, uh... picked it up somewhere," I offered my hands to help him up. I heaved with all my might. He didn't budge, but he did laugh again before helping himself up.

"That's pretty impressive," he grinned.

I blushed furiously, unknowingly as to why. He was just smiling at me. _What's wrong with my face??_

It was an exchange that had me thinking about a topic I'd pushed away a long time ago.

•

I mopped the kitchen floors with Levi's homemade cleaning liquid. It smelled a little funny, but it supposedly would kill more bacteria. I stood up straight to stretch, and my back popped in a few different places. I went back to mopping.

My sexuality. It killed me to think about it every time. It was all too confusing. I'm not used to not understanding something right away. Even football, which I had previously known nothing about, I understand fully after some brief explanations from Bertholdt.

I couldn't see myself in a relationship like that. I was still having trouble with obtaining a friendship outside of just Eren and Mikasa. What kind of person would I want to be with anyway? Attractive qualities... _hmmm_...

I think they'd have to have a great smile. And a big heart. They would defend only those who deserved to be defended. They wouldn't be afraid to tell meanies that they were being rude or idiotic. I'd want to see a difference in how they talked to me compared to how they talked to other people, like I was something of value. They wouldn't be judgmental of mine or others' habits and desires. I'd love to have someone who was emotional, but didn't let those emotions control them completely. They'd be logical, but courageous... and perhaps... that they understood love a bit more than me. That would be helpful.

I hadn't noticed that I was leaning against the mop, staring at a blank spot on the wall. A snap of Levi's fingers brought me back to reality.

"Lovestruck, huh?"

_Me? No! Just thinking. I don't understand love, so I couldn't be in love. I'm simply thinking. Of the kind of person I would find attractive. Just thinking. It's not like I actually know anyone like that._

That what I would've said. Instead it all came out in stutters and unintelligible mumblings like mouth diarrhea.

"Ohhh~ is Armie in love?" Hange slid her way into the conversation.

"No, no! I'm... I'm just, I-I'm... well, I don't..." I took a deep breath, "I don't understand love. It doesn't make sense. How will I ever know if I'm in love? Or if the person I picture in my head is what I'd actually end up liking?"

The questions hung in the air for a few seconds. Levi licked his lips, as if tasting the questions in his mouth.

"You won't," was all he said.

"But what do I--"

"Nobody ever fucking _knows_. Love is a bullshit concept that people use to describe a relationship that hasn't fallen apart yet. If you're lucky, the people you think you like won't turn out to be assholes. If you like someone, go for it, but if you find a worm in the apple you're eating, are you gonna keep eating it?"

"Well, I guess not, but--"

"Good. Then I'm done here." He turned to walk away, and halfway to the adult's bedrooms, he stopped. He craned his neck to look at me over his shoulder. "Oh, and tell Eren I found the picture he has of me under his pillow. If he doesn't get rid of it, I'm setting his PlayStation on fire."

We listened to the clacking of his nice shoes on the hardwood flooring until all was silent. Hange held a puzzled expression.

"Oh dear..."

Erwin waltzed in, adorning overalls and a handmade straw hat.

"Just get back from the farms?" I offered.

"Yeah, uh... what happened here?" He ruffled my hair. The smile on my face was growing.

"Nothing!" I lunged, giving fast, tight, warm hugs to the two of them, before running off upstairs to hide away. I gave a hug to Levi too, but just in my head. I pleaded that my actions wouldn't raise too much concern.

 _Love._ What a strange word.

In our bedroom, Eren was browsing away on my laptop from his top bunk. He shot up once I came in.

"Hey Armin, you know, I heard Sasha call you a 'trap' or somethin' like that today. You know what that means?"

More focused on getting my homework together than Eren's banter, I gave him a nonchalant sort of answer. 

"Well, I suppose she's either saying something about me is misleading, or it's some internet slang that I'm not familiar with. Would you mind giving me some context?"

He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, thinking. "It was at practice today. She said something like 'that boy's a trap just waiting to happen.' And Connie laughed about-- hold on just let me search this."

I tapped my foot as he clicked the keys rapidly. It was just an inconvenience. I needed to work on a few assignments on that laptop. His eyes grew wide.

"What is it? Is it bad?" I lifted myself with my toes to get a peak of the screen. He closed the tab and slammed it shut.

"You wouldn't like it," he warned.

And I trusted his instinct. It was more powerful than curiosity, this time.

"Just come down here and give me the laptop. I have work to do."

"But I don't wanna..." he whined.

"Levi knows about the picture under your pillow."

"Shit, really?" I nodded. "Fucking _fine_."

"Eren, _language_."

He swung a leg over his bed railing to climb down the ladder, carrying my laptop carelessly under an arm. It was giving me that same anxiety I had every time Eren was using my things, conditioned into me from years of broken toys and electronics from his reckless hands. I remembered every last one of them, and kept them in the same drawer that I kept all three of our life-altering letters. It was a drawer of reminders, some much more grim than others.

He sat the laptop on my desk and opened the bedside drawer, fetching his journal, bound with lock and key. Retrieving the key from the necklace tucked under his shirt and unlocking it, he gave his journal entries a scan before slipping the photo of Levi inside. My friends' obsessions will probably always confuse me, but it does make me curious if that trait would ever rub off on me. 

Would I hang pictures of me and that person all over to the extent that the color of the walls was no longer visible like Mikasa? Would I keep a picture of them under my pillow and write stories about the two of us in a secret journal like Eren?

I sure hope not.

•

Once I snapped myself off of that winding train of thought, and three hours of typing later, my fingers twitched, and the night was the darkest of black it would get. Eren's poor eyes couldn't get any rest because of my dreadfully annoying lamplight. He told me to get some rest. My fingers liked that idea.

"Don't forget our first game is tomorrow," he yawned.

I felt as though I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow. It had been like this a lot these days. And no doubt, tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Does Armin have a crush? If so, on who? Perhaps he's just ready for a new closer relationship? I wonder what Eren would think... 
> 
> >-•


	3. Seven

Mikasa was a shining star in her number '01' jersey. When they were passed out, many were disappointed with their number. I however, was completely satisfied with my number '18', even though it was kind of weird. We had numbers one through ten, and then a seventeen and eighteen? I didn't think I was in a position to question it, or really, in any position at all.

Halfway through the game, when the players on our team were beginning to tire, I was still on the sideline, handing out cups of water for the short time in between quarters that they had to break. I was more embarrassed to be all geared up and handing out water than I was scared to be out on the field with them. I put my helmet on, more or less just to shield my face.

Having a look around, it was strange to see our side of bleachers being so bare. Hange cheered loudly for Eren and Mikasa, and occasionally me, which would heat up my face nicely against the biting air. Erwin smiled, cheering only when Mikasa or Eren were directly in the action. Levi sat and stewed in the cold, presumably dissatisfied with our losing 10-17 score. Who I assumed was Jean's mother cheered non-stop with such great vigor that I couldn’t help but laugh. She seems like a nice lady.

The rest of our side was a single brooding or silent parent or no one at all. I wasn't sure whether to be saddened at the sight of it or appreciate that our trio wasn't the only one with an abnormal or tragic home life. 

The game wasn't totally disinteresting. Somehow I felt we could've been using some better plays. Making someone as indecisive as Bertholdt the quarterback seemed like a questionable decision to me. He had the benefit of intimidation from his massive height, which proved incredibly useful. I couldn't help but notice how perfectly Reiner was built for football.

I wasn't built like that, but I was still a part of the team. Reiner could tackle like a pro, and I could hand out a mean cup of water.

"Thanks Kri--er..." Reiner stuttered as I handed him a cup for the sixth time. "Armin. Damn, I never noticed how much you two look alike."

Krista jumped to bump helmets with me in a playful manner. It was true, with our helmets on, there wasn't much more to tell us apart than the numbers on our jerseys which was one line away from being the same.

She giggled, "He doesn't mean it, Armin! With those squinty eyes of his, he can hardly tell Eren and Jean apart!"

"I look nothing like that guy!" Eren yelled, twenty feet away from us.

The three of us laughed some more. I was loving all the laughter that went on in this group. Losing sucked so much less when everyone was so very friendly.

"It's alright, really. I don't mind being compared to Krista. She's practically a goddess!"

"Aww, you're too nice Armin! I'm nothing compared to that brain of yours."

"Are you certain, Miss Class President?"

"Well I trust your judgement over mine. Isn't your GPA over a 4.0? No one here gets grades like you."

And there we fell into a cycle of relentlessly honest complements. I was sure Krista and I could become great friends as well, if Ymir would ever allow it.

The game had ended and I had hardly moved from my spot behind the water cooler, but when the sound of screeching tires sounded, I sprinted in that direction, getting some of that well needed exercise. 

It was the sound of a car spinning off the road, and maybe hitting something... a phone pole? I know the sound of an accident. I'd been in the car with Eren before. But this sound was just a bit different. Then there was a scream.

Eren, Mikasa, and I arrived at virtually the same time. Coach Shadis and Annie must have beaten us there. It had been the driver that screamed, at the body sprawled out on the road. Half of their skull had been crushed, as well as one of their shoulder pads of their-- of his uniform. He was near unrecognizable without a smile on his face. His number '07' jersey was torn at the shoulder and wedged under the right front tire.

Any of us that still had our helmets on took them off. A teammate had fallen. 

Coach Shadis's face was expressionless. He tore the whistle hanging from his neck, threw it down onto his clipboard, and placed it into my hands forcefully. 

"The team's yours now, Arlert..." he took another glance at the body on the road. "I quit."

"But sir, I--"

"Marco...?"

Jean approached the accident, looking down to the body at his feet. I let the clipboard hang by the tips of my fingers. Coach Shadis was gone before I looked back his way.

With eleven players now, and no coach, we were looking at a very different season.

How...?

We were all thinking this had to be a dream. Why was Marco on the road in the first place? Eren dropped to his knees and pounded the grass with his fists.

And Jean... speechless, frozen, tears flowing down is face. The shock of it all, reminded me too much of our own situation. I saw my grandfather splatter in front of me for the thousandth time.

•

In the halls of Trost High I kept on like all was normal, excluding my heightened awareness. I felt like a shell of my former self, doing all my work at top quality, but looking upon myself from the outside. Floating around as if I were a ghost made me notice even more minor habits of mine.

I nodded and smiled at teachers as they passed, and they did the same to me. If I ever made accidental eye contact with another student, my expressions were rather animated, a nonverbal communication that may or may not be a cry for help, under the tough restrictions of rule number one. I clenched my fists in the short seconds in the classroom when the teacher paused their speaking and I completed typing up my notes. When it finally came to my attention, I knew it was to keep my fingers from twitching.

What I needed was a nice, long, warm bath. With lots of bubbles. That would be nice.

I knew I wouldn't be the only one feeling some anxiety this week. Posters of memoriam littered the walls no matter where you went.

_Marco, Marco, Marco_

Over and over in my head, and I barely knew the guy.

_Marco, Marco, Marco, Mrs. Jeager, Marco, Marco..._

Before class, I rushed to the restroom and scrubbed away at the sniveling wet until my face was raw. There was no way to hide it. I had to do something to get it all out of my head.

In the back of the German classroom, where the unbreakable pair once sat, Jean now sat alone. He laid his miserable head down on his desk. My heart twisted in my chest. Against my better judgement, I walked up to him.

"Hey, umm... are you alright?"

He looked up at me, surprised and a bit confused. It didn't seem like he was about to respond.

"I don't really understand how this could've happened, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here, alright? You can sit next to me at lunch if you like," I offered.

"Would Jeager be okay with that?" He scoffed.

"He would just have to get over it," I replied with a wink.

He smiled at me.

So Eren and I sat in front like any other day, but no paper balls were thrown at Eren's head. We watched a short film that was entirely in German, without any sort of subtitles. I had a hard time keeping my mind from wandering to think about the recent events. 

I was having trouble processing what even happened during our last game. Our coach quit and handed the team over to me, because a player had _died_. How had that even come to be in the first place? None of it really fit together. It was no normal incident, like three families getting notices of death for not paying their debts.

 _What am I thinking?_ There's no connection between those things! That would just be ridiculous. 

I couldn't believe I was in charge of the football team. I could've easily given it to someone else, but taking it as an opportunity to improve myself, I was already making plans to research strategics and plays. If we ever hope to win a game, it was only a necessary thing for me to do. And I'd have to schedule practices too...

•

 **tort**  
[tawrt]  
**noun. Law**  
0\. a wrongful act, not including a breach of contract or trust, that results in injury to another's person, property, reputation, or the like, and for which the injured party is entitled to compensation.

Every adult that knows me likes to talk about the brightness of my future. I tend to ignore it. I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know my goals. I plan on majoring in Law. Learning about the law is exhilarating. My blood runs hot, eager for all the good I could do. It was still early but I'd already looked into colleges and settled on one. I wouldn't have to worry about any school denying me. I worked too hard for that.

I trudged through the school halls with a coffee in one hand, using my hips as a shelf to carry my mountain of books. If bags had started to form under my eyes, I had shaken them off. There was still so much to do, as always.

When I sat down for English class, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I refused to turn my head, in case that it may be someone looking to start trouble. Instead I simply tilted my chin to the side, waiting for whoever it was to address me. That someone was Jean. I hadn't even realized we had English together.

"Hey, uh... what kind of coffee is that?"

"It's iced. Chocolate and banana. Why do you ask?" I turned my head a fraction more, so that he could see half of my face.

"I don't know. I was just... curious."

That was that, it seemed. Until class started. I felt little tugs on my hair. Again, I refused to turn my head.

I wouldn't exactly call Jean a suspicious character, but his intent for the things that he does is questionable. Marco popped into my head for just a second, and I brushed that thought away. Jean was just a troubled teen like any other, I'm sure.

So he played with my hair.

...It kind of tickled.

He kept up with me in the hallways as much as he could until we split off. 

And we came together at lunch. Indeed, I was sat in between him and Eren as a natural border. Neither of them seemed to be in the mood to pick a fight anyway. Most were silently mourning the comrade whom most of us had not really known for long.

I was seeing through my own eyes again, and gladly so. It showed plain as day on my face.

At the end of the day, we met again in gym class. As if I wasn't self conscious enough, Jean felt the need to stand next to me in the locker rooms. I tried to face my back to him, to forget he was there, but I felt the heat rise to my cheeks anyway. More importantly, I had to hide the gun from his lingering eyes. Surely my awkward way of changing did no go unnoticed. Or perhaps I was just being paranoid again.

First in gym class, we would have warm ups. Five laps around the track. I was fond of pacing myself. After a lap, he slowed to my speed.

"What are you going so slow for?" He asked me. "You can run faster than that!"

I chuckled, "You sound like Eren." It brought up some snippet memories of Eren telling me to speed up on the road. On the days that I was behind the wheel, he'd be sure to call me 'Grandma Armin' at his every opportunity.

"Hey, don't compare me to that guy," he groaned. "We're gonna need you to run, you know, for the football team. So come on! Get moving!"

"But I--"

"Mush!" he said, to which he assisted me with a slap on the bottom. I jumped to a start, startled, but not entirely in distaste for the gesture, when ensuingly we ran and laughed like friends. _Friends._

I felt my cheeks were that rosy pink far too much as of late. The thrill of breaking the rules was all too satisfying.

•

"I know you've been busy and stuff, and having the coaching thing thrown onto you on top of that is totally unfair, so I told everyone we'd start having practices directly after school on Wednesdays. Sound good?"

Our secluded area, otherwise know as our shared bedroom was where he said this to me. I dropped my book bag to the floor and ran to him from a hug. He patted me on the back.

"That's so thoughtful, Eren. Thank you," I paused and pulled back, to look at him in the eyes. "I need your advice for something."

"Isn't there someone else you could ask? Like literally anyone else?"

"Well I'm asking you. Do you think I'm working too hard? Should I... change something?"

He tilted his head to the side. "Sure, I guess. If you're feeling stressed, tell Levi you need an extra hour free from chores for homework. He'll believe _you_. You like to read, right? Do that for awhile."

I was pleased that he didn't sound resentful at all about it. He really did think I was working too hard. 

So I decided I would find something to read. I wanted romance. And tragedy. Something I could relate to. I wanted something that would make me cry that wasn’t a reality.

I would find time.

Shadis' old clipboard found its home on my bedroom desk. Inside was a list of everyone's skills and weaknesses, and at this point, I still feared to flip through it. There had been enough delaying of the inevitable. 

What lie within was shorthand notes of our individual evaluations. I placed a piece of notebook paper on the desk and with a ready pen, I reorganized our positions.

The paper with the seniors' names was slightly worn, with more than a few names crossed out. I skimmed over Annie's. _Excelling at punts and, surprisingly, tackling, even with her small size. A lone wolf; has trouble with teamwork._ Yes, yes, this I was aware of. She easily stood out, to me anyway.

Bertholdt's evaluation was also full of traits I already knew. _Skilled, but indecisive; lacks the proper drive._

Reiner is built for the sport. He excels at long passes, catching, tackling, making calls... near perfection. His eval was full of the same persistent compliments. 

_Mikasa Ackerman: excels in everything. Easily a top player._ I smiled. Mikasa was truly extraordinary.

_Eren Jeager: mediocre skills, but a drive and sense of purpose that makes up for it tenfold._

The more I read the greater my curiosity grew. I doubted Shadis had a single nice thing to say about me. My stomachs twisted. I skimmed for my name.

_Armin Arlert: built like a daffodil; other staff members say he is academically brilliant; may make a good assistant coach._

I scratched my chin. It make me wonder whether he had handed me this clipboard because I was the closest one to him, or if he actually thought I would make myself valuable in this way. His notes gave me a hard time understanding how he had just dropped the team like that. It almost make me think there might be something more to this. _Almost._

•

"I'm having Annie and Mikasa play wide receivers, on this play, here and here," I instructed, pointing at the layouts on the foldout table. The team stood around me. Focusing on the plays and scratching their chins. "I want Jean and Eren to mirror each other as left and right guards. The two of you are very similar skill wise, so it only makes sense."

They took a second to scowl at each other before returning their attention back to the plans.

"Where are you going to be, Armin?" Krista posed.

I let the air hang dead for a few seconds for dramatic effect. "I'm making myself tackle bait." My knuckles were white as my fists were clenched tight, again, for dramatic effect, though real anxiety was still present.

"Tackle bait? What does that even mean, Armin?" Connie finally spoke up after ignoring me for most of practice thus far.

"Well, if there's only one thing I can do, I can dodge a tackle. I wouldn't be much help if I was taking up a receiver spot or--"

"What about the quarterback?" Eren butted in.

"I would be ruining the play right from the beginning. That's why I'm trusting Reiner to make the calls on which of my plays we should use."

"Which was a good call. I think I'll make a way better center than a quarterback," Bertholdt added.

The team mused over my work with hums and nods that warmed my cheeks. As I saw it, it was a success already. Reiner gave me a heavy pat on the back, his favorite gesture.

"That's our little genius! I knew you could do it," Reiner said, before changing his tone and turning to the group. "Now come on soldiers, we're at a practice, not a hangout!"

•

Practice went too well. I was feeling hopeful. 

Eren didn’t seem to notice my growing relationships with our teammates yet. Mikasa didn’t notice either or didn’t care.

I was even able to pick up a novel. Stuffed Affection is what it was called. A rather cheesy title, but on the inside I felt for the two boys in the novel, if I should even say boys. 

They were teenagers, not far from flocking off to college. The were miserable in their own homes for different reasons. Too much death and resentment. All that they wanted was freedom. I instantly fell in love with it.

It was also the first book I couldn’t take to school with me.

It was a story of two young men in love. I wasn’t quite... _afraid_ of someone to catch me reading it. It was just...

...embarrassing.

I certainly couldn’t have Jean catch me with something like this. The infinite possible reactions he would give me were not worth reading a couple extra pages throughout the day. So when I saw that I had accidentally thrown the thing in my bag the night before, I hastily shoved it back in and closed my locker.

“Hey Armin!” Krista approached with Ymir close behind playing bodyguard. “Is that Stuffed Affection?” Krista asked.

“What? No, it was just... my AP Gov textbook.”

“Really? I love Stuffed Affection...”

“I know a gay novel when I see one, Armin. You’re a real shitty liar.” Ymir was calling me out. I could tell that she noticed the hurt on my face, but she didn’t seem to care.

“Fine. You got me, but could you... not tell anyone? I... I know there’s a slim chance anyone would make fun of me for it these days, but I’m still not ready, you know?”

“Oh, I understand,” Krista mumbled, “but I... actually have a favor to ask of you.”

“Sure. What do you want me for?”

“I wouldn’t be so eager. I’m going to be asking a lot of you...” her eyes clung to the floor. “Ymir, could you...?”

Her best friend and possible lover scoffed at her. “Listen up. For awhile now, our buddy Reiner has been bugging me non-stop to set him up on a date with _my_ Krista. I don’t want Krista to go, and she doesn’t want to go. We want you to handle it.”

I was thoroughly confused, and a little concerned I’d be late for my next class, even though it was a mere few steps away.

“Why don’t you just tell Reiner that Krista doesn’t want to go out with him?”

“I, well...” my new blonde friend rubbed the tips of her fingers together nervously, “I think he’s been scarily persistent, and I saw how you flipped him at practice awhile ago. I was thinking... if you went on a date with him, as me, rejected his advances and ruffed him up a little... he’d be scared into moving on.”

It was lunacy, to put it lightly. Reiner should easily be able to tell Krista and I apart, especially if he’s been admiring her.

But it wasn’t like that was too off-putting. Reiner’s a nice guy. I could tell Reiner that Krista wasn’t interested if they didn’t want to hurt his feelings, although that attitude seems a little weird coming from Ymir.

Before I could propose my idea, someone else was heading for my locker.

“Hey, Armin. You got a minute?” It was Jean. His expression was a little more serious than normal.

“So what was that book you said you were reading earlier, Armin?” Ymir cut in, “It sounded real interesting.”

Is she blackmailing me?

“Oh uh...” Just make something up, “the Love of the Land. If you have an interest in farming, it’s a good read.”

Jean tapped his foot, urging the two girls to leave.

“It’s always a pleasure, Armin.” With that Krista slipped a small folded paper in my pocket and marched off, Ymir hot on her heels.

I kept myself busy, setting the things I needed for my next couple classes on the floor in a neat stack with a cheery smile on my face. Whether or not Ymir and Krista’s talk with me was a bit eerie, any interaction I had with people that wasn’t them making fun of my hair or my stature was pleasant enough to keep me going. I mean, there were people practically lining up to talk to me! Wait, didn’t Jean want to say something to me?

I closed my locker and turned to almost touch noses with him. I mumbled an apology and took a step back, almost tripping on my own books.

“Marco’s funeral is this weekend,” he said.

“Oh... I’m sorry...” I wanted to do something to comfort him, like a hug or something, but there were still a lot of people in the hallway. Eren and Mikasa passed by in the crowd, Eren squinted at us hard as he passed, and Mikasa didn’t even give us a glance. 

“Nah, it’s good,” Jean let out a huge sigh and scratched the back of his neck. “Wow this is weird. Look, I know you didn’t know him for that long, but I want you to come... as emotional support. If you don’t want to that’s fine, I mean, it’s gonna be pretty early in the morning—“

“No! I’d love to come. Marco... seemed like a great guy.”

He picked up my hand.

“What are you doing?”

“My number. Text me tonight. I’ll let you know when I’m coming Saturday. Wear something nice.”

The pen tickled the back of my hand. 

Then he left without another word.

The one minute bell rang. I pulled the paper Krista slipped me out of my pocket. There was an address, date and time.

It looked like I was going to have a busy weekend. And I was actually looking forward to it.

•

“What were you doing, talking with that horse-face today?” Eren came storming into our bedroom, even more agitated than normal and plopped himself onto my bed while I organized the plays I had set up for the game this Saturday.

“That’s a little rude, Eren.”

“Whatever, that guy’s a dick anyway.”

My face scrunched up involuntarily, “He may have been a bit of a bully before, but he lost his best friend. He’s vulnerable right now, Eren. He needs someone to talk to.”

“Are you seriously getting mad at me right now?” He sat up, “So you’re talking to him now? Like, a lot? Armin, you know the rules! Hey, are you even listening to me?”

I had already picked up my phone and typed up the number Jean gave me.

“Yeah, I’m listening.”

What should I send? Something casual, right?

**sent: It’s Armin. This is weird. This is only the the sixth number I’ve put into my phone.**

It didn’t come off as casual as I would’ve liked. In fact, to me it seemed sort of pathetic. At least it was honest. 

**Jean: U only have five other contacts on ur phone? Wtf**

I chuckled nervously out loud.

“You’re texting someone aren’t you? It better not be Jean...” Eren shifted to look over my shoulder and I angled my phone away. “And now you’re hiding things from me! **Mikasa!** ”

Slow, heavy footsteps came and stopped at the doorway. “What is it?”

“Armin’s hiding stuff from me! He’s... he’s breaking the rules!”

Mikasa laughed. She actually laughed. It was more of a snort, sure, but it happened. “I haven’t brought my gun to school since the first day. Eren, honestly, I think you should give this up. Don’t you get it? It’s been too long. Armin and I are moving on. I think you should, too.”

“Have both of you lost your minds?! Weren’t you the one who said that they wouldn’t strike back right away, Armin? That they’d wait until they could catch us off guard? And Mikasa! What about being prepared? What about all of our training? You’re saying all of it was for nothing?!”

My stomach knotted. I did say that. 

“It wasn’t for nothing,” I said automatically, and picked those stupid letters out of the reminder drawer before throwing them on the carpet. “We _are_ prepared. I’m surprised you’re okay with letting fear keep you from livening your life, Eren. _We have no fucking friends!_ I’m sick of it.”

My head dropped. Eren said nothing back. Mikasa got herself away from the negative atmosphere. I had no way of telling how Eren felt about what I said. We avoided each other’s eyes. I never swear. It felt horrible.

When Erwin called us down for dinner, I picked the letters off the floor. Two ripped pieces of scrap paper fell from between the sheets. I didn’t bother looking to see what it was, picked them back up, and tossed all of it back in the reminder drawer.

Dinner was silent. Hange, Eren, and Mikasa started cutting into their expertly prepared steaks, Erwin helped Levi with dishes, and I, well...

**sent: Sorry about that. Eren threw a fit. Because he figured out I was texting you.**

**Jean: How’d he find out??**

**sent: Well first of all, I live with him...**

**Jean: U live with that clown???**

“Who are you texting?” By her tone, it was clear Hange was teasing me.

 _”Jean,”_ Eren bit. His teeth snapped together so hard it sounded like he could’ve broke a tooth.

“Oh? Who’s that?”

“He’s breaking the rules. And he knows it,” Eren was grinding his teeth. I could tell if he was really mad at me or just annoyed that I decided to talk to Jean. Either way, it felt awful.

“Oh get over it,” Levi grumbled as he scrubbed a stubborn spot on a pan. “It was the three of you that made up those rule in the first place. Let him talk to people for fuck’s sake.”

“I’d have to agree,” Erwin sat next to Eren and put a hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off. “You’re scared that he may encounter the enemy, correct? By gaining information, he either acquires and ally, or exposes the enemy. I see no downside.”

Eren shoveled food down his throat so he could leave the table as soon as possible. My chest felt heavy. We were supposed to be best friends. We’re supposed to be a family.

Once Eren left, Hange spoke up again.

“So this new friend of yours, what’s he like? Is he cute?”

“No,” Mikasa answered simply in my place.

“HE’S UGLY AS SHIT!” Eren yelled from upstairs.

I wanted to go against them with that, but I didn’t have the energy for it. My phone chimed with another notification.

**Jean: I dont get why youre friends with him. Ur too nice for him. Honestly the way u cling onto him kinda weirded me out for awhile.**

Mikasa had already left the table when Levi finished scrubbing the last dish. I stared at my phone, unknowing of how to respond as he started on his already cold food. The longer we sat in reticence, the more Hange’s bottom lip quivered.

She stood, rushed behind me, and draped her arms over my shoulders. “Oh, I just can’t stand to she my babies upset! Tell us how to fix it! We’ll fix everything! Right, Levi?”

“Why are you bringing me into this?” 

I wanted to say everything was alright. Everything is good. I’ve been happier lately. I’m always working, so I’m never bored. The concept of making friends alone has made more happy than I have been in years.

“Well, I agreed to attend the funeral of Jean’s close friend. I need something nice to wear. That’d be a start.” I gave Hange a reassuring smile.

Hange scrunched her face up in thought. Though in this home we were much better off financially than what we had been born into, we still weren’t exactly rich. Levi sighed.

“I suppose I can lend you something of mine. Just get it cleaned before you return it.”

“Thanks, Levi.”

“You can call me Dad.”

“Really?” I asked in a tone full of doubt.

“Nope.”

“Didn’t think so,” I chuckled.

I got up and gave hugs to Hange and Erwin. I approached Levi and nodded, the only way I could think to show affection that wouldn’t offend him. He gave me a single pat on the head. 

I went to sleep that night thinking that if Eren wasn’t mad at me, things couldn’t possibly be better.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic had not been discontinued.


End file.
